My mother passed away peacefully on 14
October 2012 at 6.02pm of stroke and heart attack. She had chosen her own way to leave this world
with dignity, while she was still physically functional to do the basic needs. Her wish of
death before dinner was to leave something for the next generation was also realised.
Most important of all, she discreetly left instructions for her own funeral wake and left no dilemmas for
the living by meticulously giving hints of the funeral rites.
Even how her assets are to be shared left no disharmony among the future generations.
Such micromanagement skill is the hallmark of my beloved mother.
My mother, Ngiam Juat Eng was born in 1926, Year of the Tiger to a
peasant family on Hainan Island small and poor village. She was the middle child and only daughter. She had 2
older and 2 younger brothers of which only the youngest is still alive. Her
father was a very tall man. Besides being a farmer, he is also a very skilful
carpenter for household furniture. Her mother was like most women in China tended to
the farms as well as being the home maker.
Like most of the girls during her time, the
family did not have the means to provide her any formal education. Traditionally
she was supposed to be married in the teens. Unfortunately when she was at the marriageable age, WW2 came. She recalled she had to run and hide whenever news of
Japanese soldiers were approaching her village. She also had to wear ragged and old clothing
to masked her look older and unattractive should she be captured by the Japs.
During and after the war, economics
situation was really bad. The people were poor and unemployment was prevalent. There
were fewer young and eligible men who have the means to get married. This was especially
so in the villages as many had gone away to seek jobs. My mum was already in
her twenties and by then her parents would have been desperate.
In her times, all marriage was arranged.
Her father finally managed to arrange her marriage to my father who was 21
years older than her. My father had lost his first wife in Kulai, Malaysia. She
was brutally bayoneted by the Japs. My father had always dwelt on the cruelty
and the suffering he endured during the Japanese occupation. But he never
recounted on the death of his first wife, I guessed it’s just too painful to
share with us.
I estimated my mother was married around 1948 and
gave birth to my brother, Yoon in 1949. I heard from the relatives and also
pieced some of what she said that the marriage was one that was absolutely and
unwelcome choice. Defying the parents wish was definitely frown upon in those days. But like every arranged marriage in those days, the couple
make the best out of their marriage, learn and nurture the love, overcome the
pain and stress and dutifully and responsibly raise a family. There was no need
for marriage vows like today. Divorces was not yet coined in the dictionary.
My mother suffered immensely and quietly,
endure the hardship and faithfully performed the role of wife and mother without
complains. Her new family included a mother in law and two step children. It
was her duty to care for them. Not long after marriage, my father left Hainan
Island for Singapore for find a job. My mother had to be independent and work
very hard in the new family. My mother told me she had to walk miles to deliver
her first child without my father presence. Beside farming the family lots, she also told me she had to collect
fire woods and walk miles to sell it to supplement the meagre remittance that
my father had struggled to remit from Singapore. I must clarify that my father
loved her and was a very responsible husband.
He was fully aware of her predicament and her struggles. With the separation, the only communication
was an occasional letters. It must be tough for her during those years.
In 1953, my father successfully applied for
her passage to Singapore to join him. They were reunited and my father bought an attap house with loan from relative in a very rural area in Sembawang. In this house I was born in 1954. There was no tap water nor electricity in this house. Water was drawn from well. Woods was burnt for cooking. Light was from the sun and kerosene lamp at night. Life in Singapore was
no better but for a hard working mother like her, there was enough to eat. In 1955
and 1959 she had a daughter and a son respectively. Together my mother had four
children 3 boys and a girl. She single handed raised all of us while still having to tends to the farm.
In Singapore she continued to do farming,
reared chickens and pigs to supplement the family income and raised the four of
us. In the later years, she also worked in the rubber estate, tapping rubber. Over
the years, life improved and she stopped working when I started working. Thereafter,
she had more comfort and a better quality of life. My mother toiled from morning to night with no holidays. The work she put in was back breaking and yet she accepted her lot without complaining. Looking back, this was really admirable.
My mother has the satisfaction of seeing
all her sons getting married. Together they gave her 6 grandchildren and all
had completed university education which I knew she was very proud. She was
very fortunate to even have 2 great grandchildren which she was very fond of and delighted whenever they visited her.
It’s really hard to describe my mother in a
few words. She had many outstanding attributes but I too had to be honest, she
too had many human weaknesses and idiosyncrasies. I choose to remember and
cherish her strengths and attributes.
Her greatest attribute was the unforgettable
motherly love she showered on me as well as all those under her charge. Her motherly
love is absolutely unconditional. Unconditional means she was prepared to do
anything, anytime, anywhere and under any conditions to ensure our comfort and
well being with no regards to her pains and whatever inconveniences, and not
hope to bargain for something in return of her effort. There were just too many
instances of such love that I will always remember. Her unconditional love was also extended to my
nephew as well as both my daughters whom she helped me cared for. I believe my
nephew and daughters would stand by what I wrote.
To me, I am forever indebted to my mother.
